Over the years, and from the depths of new motherhood, I’ve been deliberating. I’ve never been someone who finds decision making easy (be it choosing something from a menu, for fear of food envy, or something bigger: where to live, what to do). As I’ve become older, decision making seems to become harder and harder. There are more people depending on me, more needs to meet, more things to take into consideration. So I mull and obsess, I yo-yo, I circle.
Lately, as this year draws to a close and a new one begins, we have needed to make some big decisions. I’ve struggled over a particular decision that I have needed to make for myself. I’ve tossed and turned on it, I’ve decided at midnight, only to have changed my mind again by morning. The longer it went on (a few years), the more I struggled; it became bigger than it needed to be. It exhausted me.
Today, however, I did it. After consulting a few friends who have followed a similar path, after taking action and doing the necessary research: it was time. Now or never.
I made a choice.
And it feels SO good. I am now questioning whether or not it would have mattered which choice I made, in the end. The simple act of finally deciding has lifted the cloud from around my head, from sitting heavy around my shoulders. For the first time in a few years, I can see more than a few feet ahead of me.
Earlier this week when time was running out and I was in turmoil, I was texting a wise friend of mine. She reminded me that Sarah Wilson has written a fair bit about decision making (you can read more here). I came home and devoured a few of her articles and this helped me to take another step forward, to put one foot in front of the other instead of standing on the curb, looking this way and that and never moving, never showing up.
We still have a number of decisions to make to get 2017 sorted. But through the process of making this one decision, and through the various obstacles of motherhood, I have come to realise the perfect choice rarely exists. There is simply the choice that has the least amount of negative outcomes, or perhaps more often than not, just the one that is better in that moment. Trying to predict whether it will be the right choice in a month or a year can become a torment. Believe me, I’ve been there.
So go ahead and make a choice! Whether it is what to have for lunch, or something bigger, I’m sure it will clear the path ahead. It certainly has for me.