Make a Choice

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Over the years, and from the depths of new motherhood, I’ve been deliberating. I’ve never been someone who finds decision making easy (be it choosing something from a menu, for fear of food envy, or something bigger: where to live, what to do). As I’ve become older, decision making seems to become harder and harder. There are more people depending on me, more needs to meet, more things to take into consideration. So I mull and obsess, I yo-yo, I circle.

Lately, as this year draws to a close and a new one begins, we have needed to make some big decisions. I’ve struggled over a particular decision that I have needed to make for myself. I’ve tossed and turned on it, I’ve decided at midnight, only to have changed my mind again by morning. The longer it went on (a few years), the more I struggled; it became bigger than it needed to be. It exhausted me.

Today, however, I did it. After consulting a few friends who have followed a similar path, after taking action and doing the necessary research: it was time. Now or never.

I made a choice.

And it feels SO good. I am now questioning whether or not it would have mattered which choice I made, in the end. The simple act of finally deciding has lifted the cloud from around my head, from sitting heavy around my shoulders. For the first time in a few years, I can see more than a few feet ahead of me.

Earlier this week when time was running out and I was in turmoil, I was texting a wise friend of mine. She reminded me that Sarah Wilson has written a fair bit about decision making (you can read more here). I came home and devoured a few of her articles and this helped me to take another step forward, to put one foot in front of the other instead of standing on the curb, looking this way and that and never moving, never showing up.

We still have a number of decisions to make to get 2017 sorted. But through the process of making this one decision, and through the various obstacles of motherhood, I have come to realise the perfect choice rarely exists. There is simply the choice that has the least amount of negative outcomes, or perhaps more often than not, just the one that is better in that moment. Trying to predict whether it will be the right choice in a month or a year can become a torment. Believe me, I’ve been there.

So go ahead and make a choice! Whether it is what to have for lunch, or something bigger, I’m sure it will clear the path ahead. It certainly has for me.

Perpetually Undecided

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I’m sitting here eating cold toast and luke warm tea. KB has taken the two big girls to their swimming lesson and after forty-five minutes of a jiggling/breastfeeding combo I managed to get the baby to sleep. The general plan was that she would go straight to sleep when he left and then I would tidy our house, but of course, not everything in life goes to plan, right?

We were talking about this concept last weekend as we drove home from South Gippsland. The two of us, KB and I, are absolutely horrendous at making plans and sticking to decisions. Like, the very worst combination of two people put together that you could possibly imagine in the decision stakes, both of us awesomely bad at being able to decide… let’s face it, absolutely anything. We patted each other on the back in commiseration as we talked about our friends, who we have watched do grown up things like sell and move houses, get their homes painted and do their gardening, embark on study and career changes and so on.

We can’t even decide which coffee beans we like best, or where we should place a pot plant in the house (have you seen how many times they move in my instagram photos!?).

We’ve sat down so many times to try to make Life Plans, like we assume other adults do. (Do you?) Then we get so overwhelmed by all the variables we just shrug our shoulders and do nothing. We’ve had grand plans to sell our house, move to a rural area. We both have dreams of going back to study. We both have interests and hopes and wishes and things we’d like to do.

But we never rarely act.

Yes, we are severely lacking in time and resources, sure. But still, we do dream of a plan, of decisions being made. A few years ago we made our word of the year “Decision”. This is the Year Of The Decision! we would declare loudly, whenever we felt stumped. It didn’t last very long. We tried though.

So onwards and upwards we go. I hereby declare this year another Year Of The Decision. I will shout it loudly in my kitchen and can only hope it gives us courage. Maybe. Hopefully. It might?

These are the decisions that are currently doing our heads in:

+ Should we move the girls into the back room and sacrifice our back living area? (Actually we really have no choice on this one unless we want the baby in our room until she is 17 years old. So the answer is YES.)

+ If we do that, should we store our super comfy couch or should we just get rid of it? (Great couch, inherited it for free, love it, but no space to store it…)

+ Should we move house locally or should we move to the beach? (Gawd only knows.)

+ Should we paint our house white or grey? (I say white, he says grey.)

+ Should we go back to study and if so how and when? (Yes we both want to but what and how and when and who first and so on.)

+ Referring to what you thought was a completely unrelated photo above: was given this amazing collection of vintage wallpaper from the Pixie’s kindergarten teacher… only problem is, now I have to decide what to make with it all. YAWN!

There’s more but I won’t bore you with the details, just normal life stuff you know. First World Problems as many would say…

Do you deliberate or decide? Do you act or do you sit around biting your fingernails like us?