Draft, always

A long time between words. Between thoughts between sittings between stringing words together into sensible-ish thoughts. So long, in fact, that the blog editor has changed since the last time I was here and I’m having all manner of tech challenges while writing this, including losing a complete post filled with words and photos, ready to publish. I went to eat dinner and while gone my computer went flat, the post unsaved. Alas, I try again, this time with truffles from Christmas in hand, a mug of steaming herbal tea and a quiet house.

2018 was a big year for us. I laughed earlier this afternoon as I re-read my hopes for 2018 which included enjoy a slow and quiet pace. Little did I know that this past year was not the year for slow nor quiet. It was deep and tumultuous and raw. It threw us around the place, those giant oceanic waves of change; unsteady, uncertain. At times I handled this with grace, at others; in a heap. Over the past year the Pixie started school, I started two jobs, and eventually decided not to continue with one of them as life was already full and busy enough. I lost a friend. We sold our home of 10 years, and bought another. We moved house. I hadn’t lived in a place for so long since my childhood home. We let go of one dream, and started another. We went camping in our little 1979 camper bought from the side of the road. We made plans.

Now: time to recalibrate. At the start of 2019 we have ended up somewhere unexpected, but ready and eager for this new beginning. I know the new year is only an illusion, but for me it is highly symbolic. I love the freshness that January brings, to think and dream and hope, don’t you? One of the things I’m aiming to do this year is read more books. Last year during all our change and upheaval I got into a terrible habit of mindlessly scrolling on my phone at bed time. I told myself I was ‘too tired’ to read and that I had to research houses and by the time I dragged myself away I would truly be too tired to do anything else but read one page of my book and go to sleep. I’m hoping to share more titles and thoughts with you later on (for now read this post and join in at #booksinourhands over on instagram). As luck would have it, when we moved into our new home in December we had a great deal of trouble with our internet provider. This fortunate situation (though I felt very disgruntled at the time) enabled me to break some patterns and our evenings have been largely spent pottering and reading – with a bit of telly splashed in here and there. I’ve loved this shift in focus. A good book that you’re dreaming of picking up as you move through your daily tasks also helps, for me right now it’s this one.

I am still working on some concrete personal goals for 2019, I generally spend the whole month doing this. Perhaps I’ll share some of them here in the future, but in the meantime, what about you? Does the tilt of the sun in January light you up with new beginnings? Does the quiet allow time for contemplation? I love the sense of disconnect we allow ourselves at this time of year, I feel cocooned by family, free to ignore emails, to dream and think and plan. I’d love to know what it’s like for you.

homecoming

2015-12-27 15.35.18It’s always a strange thing, walking into your house after you’ve been away. Everything is still. When we arrived home from the beach a few days ago there was some folded washing on the table and a discarded toy near a doorway; quiet remnants of us. It’s especially strange coming home after Christmas when there are new things in the house. These days it is mainly new toys that greet us; Bird spent a good 45 minutes on her top bunk absorbed with new books and little knick knacks while I made an attempt at pulling dinner together out of the things we brought home (sweet potato chips, almonds, avocado, sliced cucumbers, a bowl each of rice with butter and garlic, and some fruit: slightly strange mix but surprisingly satisfying).

A couple of days later some of the washing has been done, some of the clothes unpacked and a small sense of rhythm has returned to our days. We plan to get some things done around the house this week and head back to the coast next week to make the most of the warmer weather.

This morning I stayed home while the others went to the park, and did some writing and other admin for a new project I have been lucky enough to be hired for. It’s a short term community consultation project for a not-for-profit which I can do from home and on weekends – I can’t actually believe my luck!

Other than that we spent a good couple of hours soaking up some sunshine and drinking coffee with our notebooks, dreaming up some goals and plans for 2016. I feel like we’ve turned to a new page, we’ve been down in the lovely, intense and deep trenches of pregnancy, birth and babies for over six years, and now we are slowly emerging, all five of us, new and evolved and ready for the next phase of our lives. I can feel it in my bones, in the way I lift my face towards the light and see the possibilities ahead.

Tomorrow, on the new moon, I’m going to share some of my goals for this year. What about you, do you have any ideas for this new and fresh year? What inspirations are you chasing?