Thinking and dreaming and writing (elsewhere!). Reading things that make my path and decisions easier. Focussing on mindfulness in the day to day. Trying not to get bogged down by the irrelevant. These are a few of the things I have been doing. As Autumn comes into focus (albeit a rather warm one) the world around us seems to slow down. The days become shorter and, if you pay attention, nature begins to wind down, reminding us that we should be doing the same. The Ashtanga Yoga I was doing over summer has merged into sporadical (read: rare) trips to the studio for rejuvenating stretching and meditation. Food has become warmer in our house, and cooked longer and slower as I follow the seasons and my instincts to fill our bellies with fresh, warm seasonal produce. In a book that I constantly refer to, I read that Autumn is a time for shedding, and not to be surprised if you cry a lot as we move into this season. I’m never afraid to cry. Are you?
Good morning Monday. It was a long summer, wasn’t it. As the rain gently pitter pats our tin roof, and cracks of thunder punctuate the seasonal sounds (and upset my dogs), my heart is warmed with thoughts of hunkering down for the cooler months ahead.
Ah, Autumn. You are here. Finally.
(And today, a very warm and loud happy birthday to my love.)
When either of the girls are ill, I move through a natural process of shutting down. Cancelling activities and catch ups, closing the house in, lighting oil burners, dripping droplets of herbs into little mouths. Touching foreheads, [attempting] to sooth angry sick tears.
The last few days however, it has been me who has been sick. Uncharacteristically sick. Nausea, dizziness, aching bones and utter, total and absolute exhaustion. I have had to remind myself to give myself the same care as I would one of the other members of my family. But I have found it almost intolerable. When I needed help yesterday to get out of the bath and dry myself, I felt so annoyed. I have things to do! A day wasted! A wash that didn’t get put on! Homemade pizzas turned into cheese toasties! A rabbit’s hutch that did not get cleaned out and my list abandoned! More importantly, frustrated that it’s school holidays and time as a family goes down the drain while I’m lolling around in bed.
Today I’m feeling much better, but still weak and to be honest, quite depressed. My appetite has come back a little and I have ventured out of the bedroom. I have tried to remind myself that on a normal day I would kill to lie around and watch trashy shows in bed, stay in my pj’s all day and close my eyes when the urge arose.
So, dear readers, I need to resign from the battle of time. Fighting each hour and each day that goes by that I don’t do something useful. Before I got sick I was fighting a market deadline then my Birdie’s birthday, an occasion that was full of joy, however the entire week leading up to it was much less than joyful due to all the self-imposed deadlines I set myself for what had to be done and how it all had to be. I wonder what would have really happened if I didn’t have the house clean on the day of her birthday, or if I had (heaven forbid) bought the cake…
A gentle reminder to myself and all the other mama’s and papa’s out there, thrashing through lists in the day and up all night with non-sleeping babes: It’s actually
ok to imperative to look after yourself. Take that bath, lie on the couch when you have five minutes. Make a cup of tea. There is always time for tea. Nothing much will happen if you don’t put that wash on. You’ll just have to put two on tomorrow. No biggie.
Hope you’re all well as we transition into a very late Autumn here… or a lovely bountiful Spring elsewhere!
We are in the midst of a heat wave here, apparently the hottest temperatures ever for us in March, since temperatures began being recorded in the 1800s. I used to enjoy the heat, and look forward to summer, but since having babies, I’m not so much of a fan. Gone are the days that we could chuck a towel on the backseat and a dog in the boot and head down to the beach to soak up what the ocean, sun and earth had to offer. Well, we can, but only at sun-safe times of day and with a hell of a lot more preparation. And more towels. And beach paraphernalia.
On the radio this morning the presenter said to the weatherman: “There are a lot of sleep deprived, hot and grumpy people out there this morning.” The weatherman’s response was “Yes, but it’s probably those people who will be the first to complain as soon as the cold weather hits.” Hmmm. He probably has a point. I for one though, cannot wait for the cold weather. My autumnal post a few weeks ago, written in the few cool morning hours before the heat hit again seems like a cruel joke in the face of this weather.
So here we are, in the thick of it, drinking black coffee to see if it’s soy that the pixie has an aversion to in my breastmilk, trying to think of things to eat for meals that do not require us to turn on the oven or the stove, taking cool baths and dipping our feet in the paddling pool. Pushing Pixie’s bassinet around to different corners of the house trying to find a cooler spot in the hope she might sleep a wink so that I can sleep a wink. Drinking a bit more coffee. Explaining to Birdie why we can’t go to the park. Having nightmares about our electricity bill. I don’t think we have ever used our air conditioner as much as we have the last month and I dread to think how much each cool minute is costing us.
Trying to ride out the hot, hot, hot weather in any way we can.
So. Is this insanely hot summer weather in autumn going to be a thing of our future? Or is this just a fluke slash joke?
There is something wonderful and lively in the air today. Something fresh and spicy. Something cool. The sun is shining a little bit differently through my window. Bringing the sparkle of Autumn into my house and my hair and my breath.
I love Autumn.
I especially love Autumn after what feels like a very long and hot and dry summer with a sweaty baby strapped to my chest, restless and sticky throughout balmy, sleepless nights.
Warm socks and long sleeves were required for most of the morning today. Dreams of hot coffee warming chilled fingers – layers of jeans, scarves and proper shoes – covering my babies heads with warm woolies crocheted by my own hand – morning frost – rich red leaves – crunching underfoot – stocks and soups – were abundant today.
The afternoon was warm and sunny and shoes were no where to be seen, yet I am still going to bed with Autumn in my house and my hair and on my breath.
I love Autumn. Something about the moist smell in the air after the first Autumn rains, wearing shoes instead of sandals, taking along a cardi. The birds sound different in Autumn. Things smell different, feel different. I feel like something within me awakens once the stifling blanket of summer disperses.
This weekend, we said goodbye to Summer and welcomed Autumn by…
:: taking a trip to spotlight for some wool – it’s crochet time!
:: getting outside
:: cooking – red lentil and pumpkin soup, dahl, buttery toasted sandwiches…
:: enjoying watching my little girl’s independence grow and blossom with some independent play (YAY!)
:: watching Charlotte Gray
:: Oh, and did you spot the notebook? That’s right, I’m back at school kids! Just started back last week, studying naturopathy!! Should take me… oh let’s see, around 7 years???
:: eating chocolate (despite my nutrition lecture almost making me swear off anything but broccolli for the next decade)
Hope you had an equally wonderful weekend. We are off to the caravan on Wednesday, I can’t wait.