Open Space


I’m sitting here in front of the heater. The kids are all in bed (if not asleep!) and KB is not expected home until late tonight. I am rarely alone, so I did get a bit giddy at the thought of an hour by myself at home in the evening. The evenings have a certain calm and quiet about them that is difficult to replicate during the day, don’t you think?

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daily life

Today is KB’s first day back at work after long service leave and we are missing him terribly! It’s grey outside and so far I’ve only managed to get one child dressed. (I’ll give you one guess as to which girl is dressed and which replied No, I tan’t when I asked her politely to put her clothes on.)

It’s been a really busy couple of weeks since we got back from our holiday. Most notably, my sister had her first baby and I became an Aunty! The girls love having a little cousin, another girl! I’m aching for my next cuddle.

A while back I mentioned things were a little rocky in the breastfeeding arena. Last week Peach had her posterior tongue tie and upper lip tie fixed and it’s safe to say I had the toughest week in my motherly life. It was such a difficult decision to make and we deliberated for a couple of months consulting one specialist after another. Views are so mixed that we had to gather all the information and make the best decision we could for little P. In the end we decided to go along with the procedure (where the tongue tie and upper lip tie are lasered, giving the baby more movement and ability to feed, swallow, develop speech, etc). It’s still too early to say whether we made the right decision and it certainly isn’t a procedure I would be wanting to repeat any time soon. I found myself wallowing in such a black cloud of mother guilt in the days following that I couldn’t see straight. I’ve found my way out now, but gee, the toughest job in the world alright.

In other news we set up a raised garden bed in our yard and I spray painted the legs of one of my coffee tables gold, just because we needed some sparkle.

We also went to the zoo and I pretended it was the apocalypse:

Hope you’re all having a great start to the week.

feeling unqualified

IMG_7445These girls ran rings around me today, and one of them can’t even walk.

Have you ever been the new girl in the office, sitting there shuffling papers, staring intently at your computer screen, trying desperately to look busy, mind going a million miles an hour, words spinning in your head, trying to spit out sentences that make sense, trying to look like you know what you’re doing, watching the minutes tick away, wondering who to sit with at lunch… No? Just me?

I felt like that today. A fraud in my own home. Doing the washing, cooking dinner, packing baby bags: fine. But dealing with my little ladies stumped me, time after time after time. I was just pulling blanks, trying to respond timely and say the right things, trying to be a Good Parent, trying to keep things calm, trying to communicate, trying to be clear, trying to set boundaries… trying, trying, trying.

Birdie was bouncing off the walls. She was rude to one of the waitresses we know well at the coffee shop this morning and I didn’t handle it well. I was so embarrassed that I found it hard to relay the story out loud to Prince Charming. It wasn’t that it was particularly bad, I just felt that I wasn’t clear in my response and she ended up getting away with something she wouldn’t normally have because I couldn’t think fast enough. I’m not used to her being ratty, around 5pm- maybe, but not the majority of the day. I’m exhuasted!

Meanwhile my little pixie really did nothing wrong, just had a bit of a needy day which combined with Birdie’s antics made me one tired mama come sundown.

Hopefully tomorrow I won’t feel like such a new girl and will have the brain power to out-think my crafty three year old and her trusty disciple.

Wish me luck!

at home

Yesterday is the first day I actually felt like my life had begun to return to semi-normal after having a baby. Those first few weeks were such a fog, part delicious, part difficult. While I was there in that space, I felt like my real and normal life was all around me, but I couldn’t quite grasp it. I was in the middle of my place, with my things and my day-to-day sitting there, but I was somewhere else.

There are a few things I know about myself. One of them is that I am a creature of habit, I’m a gal who loves her routine. Having a new baby pretty much flies in the face of any type of routine imaginable. I did find that hard the first few weeks, but the beauty of it being the second time around is that I know how fast this time goes, so to enjoy the moments that I may have otherwise missed last time.

This week we are on our own to practice our new day to day life for the first time. I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of my normal life, and flowing through our new rhythm. Tomorrow morning the big kid has a dance class, then goes off to Nan’s for the day. Tuesday she has Montessori. These are the two days I used to be at work, so now I’m thinking they will be the days where I try to get some things done around the house while I’ve got a sleeping baby and am toddler free. Also hoping for a relaxed coffee on these days (I mean, only one of those days because I don’t drink coffee everyday, remember?)… wishful thinking? I’m guessing it will be more like pace-around-the-house-with-crying-baby day, but we’ll see. Wednesdays we have mother’s group, Thursdays used to be my day for food shopping but someone would have to drag me by my toenails to get me to go food shopping with a toddler and a newborn. So that is now declared our home day. Friday we spend time with our lovely extended family, that is the day I get to act all pitiful and hopeless and aunties and cousins and sisters make me cups of tea and play with my babies while I flop on the couch all doomsday like. Until they get sick of that act I guess and then we’ll go back to our regular crafternoon and I’ll have to make them cups of tea while they complain about their crochet skills.

That’s my week to come. You?

today I…

:: Had morning cuddles on the couch with my girl.

:: Ate porridge for breakfast.

:: Did the best set of pigtails I’ve ever done in Baby’s hair (at her request) only to have her pull them out.

:: Had a midwife appointment. Heard the wondrous sounds of my little babe’s beating heart.

:: Went to the fruit and veg shop and the deli.

:: Ate naughty deli mediterranean pasta bake for lunch. With spinach and rocket on the side to make it all ok.

:: Had my aunties and cousin over for our regular Friday crafty catch up.

:: Turned a vintage skirt into a maternity skirt… of sorts.

:: Made seven wheat bags for a local osteo clinic.

:: Finished two granny squares for Baby’s 2nd birthday blankie… her birthday was one month ago…

:: Drank too much tea and coffee.

:: Made chicken stock.

:: Ate dinner with my lovely husband and girl and decided on the kinders we’ll visit tomorrow on kinder open day.

:: Ate chocolate while I tried to finish off my nutrition assignment.

:: Read blogs while I was meant to be finishing off my nutrition assignment.

:: Wrote this post while I really should have been finishing off my nutrition assignment.

:: Stood in front of the heater and pretended I was thinking about my nutrition assignment.

:: Went back to nutrition assignment, ate more chocolate and decided it was time for bed.

Happy weekend to you all xxx