As we have travelled back and forth between the city and the beach there has been a lot of time for pondering and dreaming: the very best part about January, don’t you think? Our plans for 2016 are now down in black and white and now we simply have to put them to action to make them real.
This year we bought ourselves a big yearly calendar for our wall so we can plot out our ideas and activities.
It’s a big year for all of us, with my little Bird starting school and the Pixie beginning her kindergarten years. I imagine there will be tears and nostalgia as we immerse ourselves in our new rhythm come February, but hopefully good things are coming too. It’s important for us to maintain a sense of calm and purpose when starting new things, I think.
// eating brown rice bowls, roast veggies, salads, kim chi, hommus and nuts… basically anything tasty and real that can easily be thrown together come 5pm
Looking forward I am slightly nervous about KB heading back to work in a couple of weeks but the good news is Term 1 is only eight weeks long, I’m sure I can survive that…!? I’m trying not to think about it too much, for now, and just hanging happily onto these long summer days with my family.
Yesterday is the first day I actually felt like my life had begun to return to semi-normal after having a baby. Those first few weeks were such a fog, part delicious, part difficult. While I was there in that space, I felt like my real and normal life was all around me, but I couldn’t quite grasp it. I was in the middle of my place, with my things and my day-to-day sitting there, but I was somewhere else.
There are a few things I know about myself. One of them is that I am a creature of habit, I’m a gal who loves her routine. Having a new baby pretty much flies in the face of any type of routine imaginable. I did find that hard the first few weeks, but the beauty of it being the second time around is that I know how fast this time goes, so to enjoy the moments that I may have otherwise missed last time.
This week we are on our own to practice our new day to day life for the first time. I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of my normal life, and flowing through our new rhythm. Tomorrow morning the big kid has a dance class, then goes off to Nan’s for the day. Tuesday she has Montessori. These are the two days I used to be at work, so now I’m thinking they will be the days where I try to get some things done around the house while I’ve got a sleeping baby and am toddler free. Also hoping for a relaxed coffee on these days (I mean, only one of those days because I don’t drink coffee everyday, remember?)… wishful thinking? I’m guessing it will be more like pace-around-the-house-with-crying-baby day, but we’ll see. Wednesdays we have mother’s group, Thursdays used to be my day for food shopping but someone would have to drag me by my toenails to get me to go food shopping with a toddler and a newborn. So that is now declared our home day. Friday we spend time with our lovely extended family, that is the day I get to act all pitiful and hopeless and aunties and cousins and sisters make me cups of tea and play with my babies while I flop on the couch all doomsday like. Until they get sick of that act I guess and then we’ll go back to our regular crafternoon and I’ll have to make them cups of tea while they complain about their crochet skills.
I’m wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday. My hair is dirty and hangs in lank chunks around my ears. I have no makeup on. My hands are sticky and the soles of my feet are filthy. I have been out like this all day.
It’s been one of Those Days. I need to clarify though. This Day has been completely Self Inflicted.
My day started off just swell. I even did 10 minutes of yoga after Baby went down for her morning nap. Then around 10am a lovely friend of mine rang.
‘I’m around the corner, I could meet you for brunch in 15 minutes? I have to be home at 12 though.’
Hmmm, I thought, hmmm. Well, Baby has just woken up. And I am hungry. Oh boy am I hungry. And she has to be home by 12, so I would have plenty of time to get back home and tidy the house and put Baby to bed again and eat lunch and do some homework and go to my osteo appointment…
I ran around the house throwing toys into the right places and nappies into the bag. I wiped Baby’s face and breastfed her. I looked at myself in the mirror, shrugged my shoulders and cleaned my teeth and ran out the door.
But then brunch began to elongate, as brunch tends to do, particularly in good company. Before long it was 12pm, then 12.30pm. Like two naughty teenagers salivating over alcohol stolen from our parents’ cabinet, we were giggly and silly with the aroma of freshly ground coffee. We looked at each other from the corners of our eyes and slowly, delicately, subtly began to test the other.
Friend: ‘Hm, that coffee was pretty good, surprisingly.’
Me: ‘Why yes, it was, wasn’t it?’
Friend: ‘Yes, it was.’
Me: ‘Yes, a great coffee, yes.’
Friend: ‘I wonder if I might have another one.’
Me: ‘I was wondering that same thing.’
Friend: ‘Maybe if the waiter guy…’
Me: ‘Yeah, maybe if he walks past…’
Friend: ‘Oh here he – excuse me, can I please get another flat white?’
Waiter: ‘Sure, would you like – ’
Me: ‘Yes! Can I have a soy latte? Soy latte please?’ I realised I was yelling. ‘That would be great, thanks, thank you.’
Soy lattes, brunch and lunch later I am in the car. It’s late, Baby hasn’t had her afternoon nap nor has she had her lunch, yet mysteriously I find myself driving towards my Mum’s house. I’m tapping the steering wheel with nerves. I’m filled with Mother Guilt.
Was it just yesterday that I was reading ecoMILF’s blog and marvelling at her relaxed daily rhythm, determined to try it myself?
Was it just Sunday that my naturopath told me to try to drink coffee only every second day?
Was today not my day off coffee, yet I seemed to have downed two in the space of a few hours?
Was or was it not one of my New Years Resolutions to SLOW DOWN?
Mother Guilt, Mother Guilt, Mother Guilt. I tap the steering wheel some more.
Baby falls asleep in the car, but I need to stop and get her some lunch at the supermarket. I gently ease her into the pram, yes! She stays asleep… then wakes in aisle four about three minutes later. Mother Guilt, Mother Guilt. I buy her some spelt flour Dinkel-Zwiebacks (Swiss rusks… I just had to find an excuse to type Dinkel-Zwiebacks) in my cloud of Mother Guilt. She has never had rusks before but it certainly makes her day. At the car I have to remove said Dinkel-Zwieback and once again I am in the bad books. Mother Guilt.
At Mum’s I feed Baby and give her back her soggy Dinkel-Zwieback and try to ease my Mother Guilt. But then I look around the house and I can’t help thinking about my friend’s Hens Day this Saturday and wondering what I am going to wear. I start running up and down the hallway, until there I am. In front of my Sister’s Wardrobe. Darling sister is in Thailand…
I pause to think for a millisecond.
Ten minutes later half her wardrobe is in my car and I am back on the road, shaking with the anticipation of New Clothes when I am two months in to buying no New Clothes for six months. (Mable. I’m so sorry you had to hear about it like this. If only things could have been different… Please Forgive Me.)
I turn as I pull away from Mum’s and realise Baby’s car seat isn’t latched in properly. Luckily the lights are red, I run around the side of the car barefoot, fix the strap and run back again. I reach for the Rescue Remedy in my handbag. My naturopath has written ‘7 drops when needed’ on the label.
I drip Seven Drops onto my tongue. Then I squirt the remaining contents into my mouth. Then I tip some into my drink bottle.
I don’t have time to go home as it’s already time for my osteo appointment. I rush to the appointment, drive home and finally our feet land on the doorstep.
I put my comfy pants on.
Baby is still awake.
I vow not to do this again tomorrow.
Baby looks at me as if to say, ‘I’ve had one of Those Days – thanks to you.’