a big girl

We moved Baby into her own room yesterday. A really big, big moment. I never went into the whole ‘sleep’ thing knowing what we would do or how it would all pan out. We were open minded about own room/co-sleeping/family bedroom/etc. We began with her in our room in a bassinet next to me combined with a bit of co-sleeping here and there… and there and there… and there. When she outgrew the bassinet we realised the cot would fit in our room and it just felt right to keep her with us.

Each stage we have encountered since having Baby has felt big at the time, or big in the stage of contemplation. We have found that if you listen really hard, really hard to you own intuition, you will not only easily find the ‘thing’ that suits you, you will also just know when it is the ‘right’ time for you to do different things. A month ago we talked about moving Baby into her own room. We have talked about it every now and then, just checking in to see the other was still comfortable with the set up. But this conversation was different and we both knew that the time was coming near. We were ready to have a bit more space, ready to turn the lights on and off as we pleased, ready not to have to whisper in bed.

So we moved the cot. Boy was there a lot of dust under there. We took Baby in and out of her new room today (which has been used as my sewing room for the past while… sigh) and wandered around and looked at things. We talked about how she was going to sleep in there now. Even though she doesn’t understand exactly what we are on about, it made me feel better.

It didn’t go so well last night. At 8.30pm I was still in her room sitting on a beanbag and she was quiet, but not appearing ready to sleep. It was ok. It’s a big change for her too.

I feel a bit sad. Happy and sad. Mixed. But I know it’s the right decision for our family at this moment.

Sitting here…

I find myself sitting here, waiting for her to wake up. Willing her, wanting her.

After months of wishing she would sleep just a little bit longer, just a minute extra for mama, here I am – waiting.

I spent the day at work today, away from my precious bundle. Tomorrow too I’ll be at the desk while she giggles and plays with her Aunty.

No fair. I want her!

I want her soft pearly skin.

Her thin baby hair.

Her milky smell.

Her hand on my cheek.

Her wet dribbly lips.

Her little bottom.

Her tiny toes.

Her one single tooth.

Her gummy grin.

Her chubby giggles.

Her piercing squeals.

Just one more cuddle while it’s dark outside and the night is calm and the moon is out and we’re warm and quiet?