feeling unqualified

IMG_7445These girls ran rings around me today, and one of them can’t even walk.

Have you ever been the new girl in the office, sitting there shuffling papers, staring intently at your computer screen, trying desperately to look busy, mind going a million miles an hour, words spinning in your head, trying to spit out sentences that make sense, trying to look like you know what you’re doing, watching the minutes tick away, wondering who to sit with at lunch… No? Just me?

I felt like that today. A fraud in my own home. Doing the washing, cooking dinner, packing baby bags: fine. But dealing with my little ladies stumped me, time after time after time. I was just pulling blanks, trying to respond timely and say the right things, trying to be a Good Parent, trying to keep things calm, trying to communicate, trying to be clear, trying to set boundaries… trying, trying, trying.

Birdie was bouncing off the walls. She was rude to one of the waitresses we know well at the coffee shop this morning and I didn’t handle it well. I was so embarrassed that I found it hard to relay the story out loud to Prince Charming. It wasn’t that it was particularly bad, I just felt that I wasn’t clear in my response and she ended up getting away with something she wouldn’t normally have because I couldn’t think fast enough. I’m not used to her being ratty, around 5pm- maybe, but not the majority of the day. I’m exhuasted!

Meanwhile my little pixie really did nothing wrong, just had a bit of a needy day which combined with Birdie’s antics made me one tired mama come sundown.

Hopefully tomorrow I won’t feel like such a new girl and will have the brain power to out-think my crafty three year old and her trusty disciple.

Wish me luck!